


Self Insert

by Kuroitora_chan



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Anal Sex, M/M, Sex, Someone gave me this idea, This is bound to be weird, masturbation?, they shouldn't have
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-05
Updated: 2019-06-05
Packaged: 2020-03-02 20:19:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18818281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kuroitora_chan/pseuds/Kuroitora_chan
Summary: All the iterations of Dirk Strider fuck





	Self Insert

**Author's Note:**

> I don't recommend people use this to get off.  
> It's really short.

When people say they're going to do a self-insert onto something, I've always thought about worlds that already existed gaining a new and useless character. Not a literal self-insert, as in, going so deep into your phsyche you see - and not just know - your other selves.

I can understand now why Dave didn't even want to look me in the face when we met - at first, at least. The iteration of me that composed his Bro had even more of a douche swag than I do - and as much as I would never let anyone know this, I try to pass of as this huge douchemuffin, because people like the bad boys.

And then, in the void of my own headspace, alongside my older, tougher, doucher self, there was my dumber, younger and cringier self: the auto-responder.

I wish I could just ignore the fact he ever existed, even because he died in-game. But no. This is my curse. Revisiting the depths of my own mind and seeing how the many iterations of myself interact with each other, until they eventually kill each other, cause the truth is, I seek death, ‘cause I can't fucking stand myself.

There is one thing that I've always admired in myself though.

And that is how star-blasting hot I am.

Now, you might be thinking I'm just stroking my own ego.

You would be right. But so am I – as always. 

Even about the things that no one is willing to admit or come forward to doing.

Everybody has had the weird sense, at some time throughout their development, that fucking yourself would be wrong. That is something truly stupid in my understanding. Although, that could go into that whole  _ would you fuck your clone?  _  discussion - which is a worthless discussion for me, c’mon. There are so many of me out there from so many different timelines and iterations, do you think I’ve never thought that, at some point, in some reality, that didn’t already happen?

Regardless, what most people don't think about this situation is the fact that, if they are you, they  _ are you _ . They know what you like and what you crave. They know all your good spots.

We all share a smirk thinking about the possibilities and then I look down.

Apparently, my second head has been listening on the conversation – in all the present iterations.

The true question here is not about whether or not this is valid, valorous, ethical, morally sound or any of those philosophical inquiries the great minds of human history have been indulging in trying to answer throughout the Millenia that went by before I was even genetically spewed from a chromosomal lego-like rearrangement. 

The true question, my dear readers, is one way more important.

Who the fuck is topping?

Like if he was listening to me monologuing, Beta me – the me that raised Dave, please try to keep up – comes forward and, cupping both my butt cheeks, one with each hand, suspends me to his waist high and gives me a kiss in the mouth, nibbling at my bottom lip. He rubs our cocks together and I’m both, painfully aware and hopefully giddy, cause his dick is at least a whole head bigger than mine. And fuck, does the friction it causes feel  _ good. _

On the back end – literally – Hal started to lick my shoulder blades up to my trapezius sucking and licking just strong enough for me to whimper but not enough to give me a hickey. These pieces of shit know exactly how to make me look all vulnerable and bottom like.

Beta spreads my cheeks and rubs the back of our heads against one another again, lowering the shaft and getting the good spots. The heat of the actions spreads through my belly and I gasp, throwing my head forward and gasping in his collar bones while also squeezing his shoulders.

He shivers, and I’m suddenly aware of my mouth being close to him.

But so is he.

He lets me go, and even in the void of nothing – no ceiling, no floor, no walls, only blackness – getting his dick away from mine is like throwing cold water into my dick, which made me much more aware of the amounts of precum we were producing and sharing.  _ Fuck, _  that is so fucking disgusting and  _ hot. _

Beta gets both my arms and holds them in my back. He turns me around and pushes me down, making me kneel in front of Hal, who is eagerly masturbating while watching things – in this case me – go down. Beta puts his hand in my jaw and pushes it open adding an unnecessary “Make you deposit”

My dick did not twitch. You don’t know what you’re talking about. Shut up.

Hal coats my lips with his precum before rubbing it all over my tongue, not stopping until all his length is inside. He grunts with the pleasure of my tongue gracing the underneath of his unworthy shaft and keeps thrusting hard inside my mouth, so much so, it turns into a deep throat by the third or fourth thrust. 

His eagerness at this actually reminds me of Jake, and his sounds turn my guts into a mush of mixed feelings. 

Another thing that gives me mixed feelings is the glans that are rubbing against the entrance of my ass. Holy shit, I’m actually going to bottom this encounter by the turn things are taking and no, I don’t know why that thought sends a jolt straight to my dick.

Honestly. Reader, what the fuck are you doing here? Do you have a voyeuristic fetish or some- “ ahn ~”

...Okay, yeah, I gave that embarrassing moan. But in my defense, Beta was pressuring my entrance with just the lubrication of his precum and I needed to warn him that...well...it was a bad idea. 

Hal and Beta look at each other and give a nod. Hal takes his dick from my gaping maw – still held firmly in place – and takes two fingers to play with my tongue. After his fingers are wet, he kneels in front of me. Beta stops holding my mouth agape and actually covers it, leaving only my nose out. Hal sticks the two slick fingers inside my ass, making a B line to reach my prostate and I moan into the strong hand.

He licks my left nipple while making circles around my prostate, teasingly.

When did Hal learn how to be decent at this?

.

.

.

An image of Equius pops and I immediately regret having questioned.

Blessedly, he actually touches my prostate full on and my brain goes into mush-mode. I moan feeling the coiling of orgasm contracting a little.

Thank you, Beta, for your foresight.

Now Hal is stretching me open while Beta licks and sucks and nibbles at my neck. Holy shit, when did they decide to gang up on me? Could it be because I’m the Alfa?

I whimper when Hal’s slicked fingers slide out of my ass and I feel so empty is agonizing. But not for long. Beta was just waiting this opportunity to slide it all the way inside.

Its blessedly big, and stretches me open like I never knew I wanted to be stretched. He grunts in my shoulder with the pressure my ass makes around his dick and that gets me to whimper. While still holding both my wrists at my back, Beta thrust and the head goes right where it needs, pressure building up inside.

He places his arm underneath me and suspends us from the ground, still leaving me bent forward. This position lets him ram it deeper inside.

The moaning is just coming out by this point. I can’t hold it in. It feels so good and it stretches so good and everything feels  _ so good. _

Hal gets me by the nape of my neck and tangles his fingers in there, pushing his dick back inside my mouth with the leverage.

It’s at the same time. They are fucking timing the penetrations. Holly shit, this is too much and absolutely not enough. I’m being spit-fucking-roasted by myself and it feels so god damn good I can’t take it.

Hal and Beta’s breaths start to ger ragged and the whimpers and grunts are coming out more frequently. They are getting close, and so am I.

Someone, please touch me. My dick feels so ignored it feels like air in physics equations, but the need for a touch grew exponential so, please.

Please.

God fucking damnit, please.

_ Please. _

Like hearing my prayer, Beta placed his hand there and gave me some strokes.

3 to 5 pumps later and I wake up in my bed.  Jizzed, with both my hands in my pants, breathing hard and totally spent.

For the first time, I wish I had been able to stay inside my head a little longer.

**Author's Note:**

> Why did I do this...


End file.
